Koi fish in my tiny little pond

It seems that Jeff Bezos and the folks at Amazon have failed the way no other bookseller can fail (hell, this fail was even worse that the LJ fail). Let's take a look at some of the firestorm this little bit of idiocy has touched off, shall we?

An Open Letter to Jeff Bezos

Dear Jeff,

I don’t know if you use Twitter, but you might be aware of something called #amazonfail, currently the most talked-about topic among the network of 5m+ users. This is an online expression of dismay at Amazon’s new and apparently discriminatory censorship policy.

If the version circulating on the Internet is correct, your new policy of excluding ‘adult’ material from Amazon searches by removing their sales ranking runs as follows:

“In consideration of our entire customer base, we exclude “adult” material from appearing in some searches and best seller lists. Since these lists are generated using sales ranks, adult materials must also be excluded from that feature.”

The idea of protecting us from ‘adult’ material seems unnecessary, when your own Conditions of Use (USA / UK) restrict Amazon purchases to adults. But my concern - and that of the many people tweeting with the #amazonfail tag - is how you define ‘adult material’.

In my country, a few years before you were born, a book was published following a notorious obscenity trial. The prosecution was ridiculed for being out of touch with changing social norms when the chief prosecutor asked if it was the kind of book “you would wish your wife or servants to read”. Publication went ahead, 32 years after the book was written, and “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” has since become regarded as a classic work of English literature.

Overnight, you appear to have overturned that hard-won decision and reclassified it as filth that we should be protected from.

Worse still, D.H. Lawrence notwithstanding, your definition of ‘adult material’ appears mainly to apply to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender books. Non-explicit LGBT literature, history and biography is censored, while explicit hetero books are not. No longer can we find Jeanette Winterson’s “Oranges are not the Only Fruit” or Annie Proulx’s “Brokeback Mountain” by sales rank. But we may still find “Playboy: The Complete Centerfolds” and Alan Moore’s “Lost Girls”, a graphic novel in every sense. Even our National Treasure, Stephen Fry, appears to have had his autobiography de-ranked, while it it all too easy to find Jackie Collins.

You can see many more examples of this curious inconsistency listed on the online petition that many of us are currently signing, and on this handy list.

This looks very much like blatant homophobia. Would you care to share your selection criteria with us? Or have you simply gone through your Gay & Lesbian section with a red pen?

This approach to what is deemed obscene and what is not takes publishing on a backward step that makes you seem as out of touch with modern social norms as Mervyn Griffith-Jones. As Kasia Krozier points out, we can freely find “Mein Kampf”, books on training fighting dogs, and other offensive material. But the works of E.M. Forster and D.H. Lawrence appear not to be the kind of books you would wish us to read.

Well, you have your wish. We will not buy them - from Amazon at least. As well as signing the online petition, joining the Facebook Group and redefining “Amazon rank“, we shall boycott Amazon until this policy is reversed. Other online retailers are available, other highstreet chains - maybe we shall even support our local independent bookshop.

I hope this is a mistake that will be quickly corrected, and not a conscious policy of discrimination. I look forward to a public response to the many blog posts and tweets on the subject that have been written this weekend.

Jon

Jon Reed, Publishing Talk

Many more have come to fore and offered up their own opinions, observations, etc:

Online censorship? Amazon strips ranking of Gay and Lesbian books

Amazon Follies

and, of course, the Amazon Petition

The takeaway here is: it's not wise to brass off your investors, your customers (both present, past and future) and even less wise to assume that all are too stupid enough to filter their own content. Methinks someone's head is going to be on the chopping block tomorrow. Thankfully, it won't be mine.

...sell your mad skillz on Ebay! Look, if a guy can sell his whole LIFE on Ebay and have something positive come out of it, why not give it a shot? And sooooo, she did. I think it's the first time Diana ever took my ramblings seriously.

http://cgi.ebay.com/Fulbright-Scholar-seeks-University_W0QQitemZ120282205134QQihZ002QQcategoryZ3144QQtcZphotoQQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Survival of the fittest, my butt. It's hard to know how to react to this....should I be sad that there are people who are this pathetic or should I simply laugh my head off at just how stupid people can be? Choices, choices *bangs head on desk*

*The 2007 Darwin Awards*

*Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.*


*Here is the glorious winner:*

*1.*
*When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.*

*And now, the honorable mentions:*

*2.*
*The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.*

*3.*
*A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.*

*4.*
*After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.*

*5.*
*An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.*

*6.*
*A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer... $15.

[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?]*

*7.*
*Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.*

*8.*
*As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car
and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."*

*9.*
*The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]*


*10.*
*When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.*

Yeah, I'm late, as usual. Sue me. :p Happy New Year, folks. Do yourselves a favour: love the one you're with, love the ones you're NOT with, give away the change in that hitherto unnoticed pocket of your jeans (with pocket lint and all....show's that you care and such ;-) ), cherish the little things like a spontaneous origami gift from a Japanese stranger you sat next to on your cruise, remember that life really is too short to sweat the small stuff (hell, even the big stuff is a pain in the ass) and hope travels far.

Peace, y'all.

T.

Warm humid breezes whip my hair, caress my face.....lights flicker and fade in clouds that are pregnant with moisture. Summer's coming. Really, when I think about it, she's already here, isn't she? That fickle season that feels so much more special when you're living here in the South amongst the honeysuckle and sakura. Mandolins are playing in my ears, in my head, that hard strum that leaves my chest heavy but not. It's hard to describe what it's like to be alone but not necessarily lonely. I've got books, television but it's always music that has all of my attention, from the time I wake up until I close my eyes deep into the warm inky darkness.

Summer...her arrival is fortuitous...I can't think of a better way to spend it than on the porch
a starless night for company
haunting voices to remind me that I still have a soul.

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith

Nicole started it so I figured "what the hell?":

Please leave a three-word comment that you think best describe me. It can only be three words. No more. Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

Dreams...they're very fickle things. They're either amazingly detailed or just plain odd. I think this falls in both categories, strangely enough, but I didn't want to make it a full fledged story so...I improvised...and truncated...and left out a LOT. It gave me a headache just trying to resurrect the details from my sleep-fogged brain. Anyway, I dreamt it so I felt some obligation to share....get rid of it so it wouldn't keep worrying at me like a boo-boo on a child's knee.

---

Morning dawns slowly in the southern half of the province as the sun makes its slow stride across the heavens. The landscape is blanketed with near silence; no chirping birds, no lowing of cattle or bleating of sheep. Nothing save for the occasional rusty hoots and chugs of machinery clearly past its prime.

Minutes drag by as the lonely sounds can be heard coming inexorably closer until a large object shadows the horizon. Two figures can be seen riding atop a sleek, ancient diesel engine as it speeds down an (until recently) unused stretch of dual rails.

“We’re going really fast!”

“What?” the driver yells to be heard above the din in the engine room below him.

“Fast! I said really fast!” his passenger shouts in reply.

The boy-man engineer nods emphatically. Orange earplugs bob in both ears as his head moves to respond. “Oh yeah, well Uncle and Grand-Uncle started scrubbin’ these rails ‘bout five years ago. Brother-boy clears weeds and carcasses from the track and they scrub.” He pats the newly painted skin of the bullet-shaped engine with obvious pride. Both engineer and passenger sit in silence for a time, enjoying the chill wind rushing through the open cockpit wheelroom as the sun’s rays bathe the countryside in orangish-silvery light.

“Ah found this beauty outside o’ the city. You saw it a ways back,” he continues in his thick, rhythmic dialect, cocking a calloused thumb behind him. His equally youthful-looking passenger is half-listening as his bright eyes dart to and fro in an effort to take in as much of this new world as possible.

He starts in surprise when he feels a strong poke in his side. “Ker, are you still a-listenin’?” The young man sits ramrod straight and waves his hands in denial.

“No, no! I heard everything you said, Millen. It’s just…” Ker’s voice trails off. “I’ve never been this far outside of the Compound before. I never knew any of this existed.”

Millen snorts in derision at Ker’s mention of his home. “Ain’t never understood why anyone would want ta live all closed in like chickens in a pen. What were yer elders thinkin’?”

The inquisitive light in Ker’s eyes is replaced by wistful contemplation at the comment. “I don’t know,” he admits. “They told us that there was nothing left out here…that we were safer all in one place, together. Saying there was strength in numbers.”

“Hmph, sounds like brain-sick nonsense to me. A man’s got ta have his space. That’s what my elders say,” Millen growls as he adjusts one of the valves nearest to his hand and tugs on the throttle. “Hang on, kid. Gonna give us a bit more gas.”

Ker gripped the rails on his perch in the wheelroom a little tighter at suggestion of his new friend. “Gas?” he inquires, his freckled nose wrinkling with curiousity.

The engineer flashes him a wolfish grin. “Speed, son! Speed!” Excited laughs fill the air as the sudden rush of acceleration nearly throws them both to the metal-plated floor.

Hours later, when both boys were fatigued from their journey and the mid-afternoon heat shimmered off the rails, they would swear they heard a song on the wind, one that possibly came from the train itself:

“Though years have left me bare
And my tracks they will have shunned
When no one is left to care
It matters not, for still I run.”

If only you weren't in my mind, randomly shocking me out of my self-induced torpor
Perhaps my thoughts would be quieter, less inquisitive.

If only you weren't in my life, taking up the space inside me that would have otherwise been
unoccupied
empty.

If only you weren't that something I've grown to look forward to
In my otherwise chaotic world filled with people I don't wish to know
and events I'd rather not be involved in

If only I lacked the genetic wherewithal to have feelings, to care
Perhaps things would not be quite so difficult

There are so many could-haves, would-haves, should-haves
but no answers
only more questions that draw me deeper into myself
As the light above me grows dimmer

Who would have thought that these things could affect me so much?

This is another sad, sad day. A young man once again his armed himself to the teeth and executed 32 people in classrooms, dormitories and other areas of Virginia Tech, about an hour and some change from where I live. It was like 9-11 all over again for me. Again, I was working and oblivious to everything else when one of the managers in the corporate office conversed with someone near me in a shaken voice "He's all right. My son is all right. He just called me." My ears pricked up but I had no idea what the hell was going on....eventually I made my way to the break room where CNN was broadcasting video footage taken from students' cell phone cameras of gunshots, running, panicked students and exploding windows. No one knows this man, he has no identification on him. He chose to be a John Doe for whatever reason, walked onto an open campus and rained down hell on unsuspecting students. Perhaps this man felt he was a vigilante, trying to right some wrong that had been done to him or someone he loved. Perhaps it was for no reason at all. I'd hate to think it was the latter. If it was, then the world is already the powder keg I believe it to be, who throws in the match only circumstance or fate will tell.

So I've managed to do a good deal of catching up with my past as of late. MySpace was actually good for SOMETHING other than being a breeding ground for the emo, the whack and the oddly entertaining.

A few members of my former partying group got in touch with me after an approximately 15 year absence. I never realised just how much I missed the insane drama, the stoned musings and the hilarious antics of our tiny "clan".

Uncle Wiggly now has children of his own (who I'm sure will prove him wrong and grow up to be just like him in one way or another)
Rob is still the studly boy and intellectual who can still get both the guy AND the girl if he so chose and Tara is close by though I didn't know it. Hopefully I'll get to catch up with them all at some point. A group visit would be inordinately fun, I think.

All right, my peeps! It's time to get down to some serious reading. GOODREADS.COM. I swear, you won't be able to stop yourself (those of you who enjoy reading...not those OTHER people *pft*).

I've gone a little insane already >_>

Whatever idiotic urge I had to take this test, I will blame on wyldlifecogal

So apparently the good Dr. Ruth Westheimer was trained as an Israeli military sniper. Who knew?? O_o

http://www.snopes.com/medical/doctor/drruth.asp

I love this book already. I'll leave an excerpt, if you'll permit me that indulgence:

So many stories about me (Sappho). My legend confused with the legends of Aphrodite. Did I leap to my death for the love of some handsome young ferryman? Did I love women or men? Does love even have a sex? I doubt it. If you are lucky enough to love, who cares what decorative flesh your lover sports? The divine delta, that juicy fig, the powerful phallus, that scepter of state--each is only an aspect of Aphrodite, after all. We are all hermaphrodites at heart, aren't we? The delta is as soft as Aphrodite, that phallus stiff as Ares' spear. And no one wears anything for long but a coat of dust. Only the songs of passion linger.

Books are a salve for the soul....ever my most cherished refuge from things I'd rather not face. We went to Barnes and Noble for a bit of retail therapy and, several books later, I feel hermit-like. One would think that lazing about amongst the book aisles for almost six hours would be enough for me. I don't think it ever can be. My latest purchases (over which I am giddy with anticipation) are "Japan: A Traveler's Companion" by Jeffery Angles and Thomas Rimer, "Falling Leaves: The Memoir of an Unwanted Chinese Daughter" by Adeline Yen Mah, "Sappho's Leap" by Erica Jong (this one I may start first; it looks VERY intriguing), and "Mistress of the Art of Death" by Ariana Franklin.

My hermitage awaits, along with tea and one slightly dented alarm clock.

"...I ask myself now: Was there ever a great true love? Anyone who became the object of my obsession not simply my affections? I honestly don't think so. In part, this was my fault. It was my nature, I suppose. I could not let myself become that unmindful. Isn't that what love is--losing your mind?...Did I know any woman who escaped having her heart crushed like a recyclable can? Not a one. From what I have observed, when the anesthesia of love wears off, there is always the pain of consequences."

My lungs filled with liquid fire, an angry burning in my chest, in my mind. Your words, with their inordinate power to hurt more than heal at times...they confuse me and make me react in ways I'd rather not. You make it so easy to command the armour to do my bidding. So easy. I don't even know if I can trust your smile anymore because I keep seeing double meanings behind it. What is truth? What is real? What is it that you really want? I'm afraid that I can't give it to you...that I never had what you needed from the start but we both kept on pretending that I did anyway.

Part of me is really sad about that. It's like I can feel the ending coming in the heavy, pressured silence before a tornado strikes, destroying all in its path. We're becoming undone and all I can do is watch, numb and unsure. Where do we go from here? That's the million dollar question, isn't it? You take my hand, we laugh and laugh, but the crying and screaming from within can be heard for miles. Almost too late. Closer and closer to the edge, I step over into the emptiness and hope it won't hurt so much when I fall.

Ok, so apparently writing and such should not happen when we're both sick. All sorts of strange ideas come to fruition and thus we give you Voyage to the Bottom of the Tea - The Boston Lang Tea Party Edition:

Our story begins with one Fregattenkapitän Natsuki Kruger of the Brandenburg-class frigate DuranDuran who was craving her morning tea only to find that it the ship's stores were running low; the direct result of a daring raid made by Tai Sa (Captain) Viola Shizuru of the famous Yamato-class battleship The Princess Harumichi earlier in the week. It was bad enough that she had to man this newfangled ship with only a skeleton crew of her best students from the Garderobe Naval Academy. But to have the best tea in Windbloom swiped by that smug woman was almost too much to bear. Kapitän Kruger sat in her command chair on the bridge and gave her frightfully empty teacup an annoyed glare. After much inward wailing and gnashing of teeth, Kruger decided that she was going to beat Viola at her own game. Let's have a look, shall we?

"IRINA. Set the course! We're headed for Viola's tea ship...."

"But... but Gakuenchou!! Shizuru onee-sama is..."

"I DONT CARE WHAT SHE IS! You LISTEN to me or you get off my ship!"

"A..AAA HAI, GAKUENCHOU!!!!"

"That's better. NINA. RECON. NOW."

"Yes, Gakuenchou! *salutes*"

"Excellent... everything is moving along well...."

"Ne, ne, Nat-"

*GLARE...*

"Ahahaha, GAKUENCHOU-SAN!!! ... why are you trying to sink Shizuru-san's tea ship...?"

"... It's none of your business, Mai."

"Oh, come on, Natsuki.... what happened...?"

".... she shrunk my riding jacket.... T_T"

"... Ah... so it's that bad..."

"It's worse! That onna stole the last bit of our shipment of tea right out from underneath our noses! Blast that idiot Haruka!... FULL SPEED, IRINA!!!! TELL ENGINEERING!!!!!!! *waves hand*"

"Aya, why couldn't Viola-sama let Gakuenchou do her OWN laundry this time." Lt. Irina bemoaned.

"What was that, helm?"

"N-nothing, Gakuenchou! Full Speed it is!"

*Grumbles incoherently and sits down in overly elaborate Captain/Headmaster throne-chair as Gal comes to report from Engineering*

"Your PEEEMPDOM! Engines all good! YES! Good!"

"GAL-SAN!"

"Hai, Gakuenchou!"

"Shut up and get down on your kne--I mean GET BELOW, you hacker rat! I want that tea within an hour!"

Gal salutes so quickly she almost tears off an antenna. "Ryoukai!"

"And damnit, Gal! Haven't I told you not to address me like that!?! It's CAPTAIN KRUGER to you!"

Meanwhile, on the battleship Fujino, Lt. Cmdr. Tomoe snapped to attention beside the ever-calm Captain Shizuru...

"Shizuru-sama, Captain Kruger requests to board you."

"Permission granted, if she does so personally."

"E-eh?! B-but Shizuru-sama, Captain Kruger sounds a bit...testy" *wince*"

"Don't worry, Commander Tomoe, I've got the solution for that riiight here." *smirks and glances down at her own ample bosom*

*Tomoe's eyes nearly bug out of her head*"You do?! Ahem! *cough cough* I mean, ROGER THAT!"

Needless to say, the exchange that ensued had the crews of both ships shaking with fright as it seemed the situation would escalate a bit further than planned...

"SHIZURU! THIS IS CAPTAIN KRUGER OF THE DURANDURAN! STAND DOWN, OR WE WILL BE FORCED INTO HOSTILITY."

"Ara, Natsuki? Is that you? My, you sound so grown up when you're being demanding. Why, I haven't heard you use that tone with me since last ni-"

"AAAAAAARGHLKJELSK SHIZURU! DAMNIT JUST SURRENDER YOUR CARGO IMMEDIATELY AND NO ONE WILL BE HARMED!!!"

"My cargo? Is that what you're calling it now? "

".... Shi...zu...ru.... *rage* The tea. Now. Hand it over and I MIGHT let your ship escape unscathed."

"Maa maa, why don't you just come aboard and join me for some tea, if you want it so badly. I'm sure you'd enjoy it much more when properly made. We can use my private quarters for.... negotiations...."

".... I think not!! This is your last chance, VIOLA!!"

"Very well. Tomoe-san?"

"Hai, Onee-sama?~?!?!??"

"Have the crew man their stations... it seems as though dear Captain refuses to play nicely with us....."

"As you wish, Onee-sama!! GAAARGH ALL RIGHT YOU LAZY DOGS, GET UP AND MAN YOUR POSTS!!!!!!!!!!"

Meanwhile, aboard the DuranDuran....

"Hmph. As expected. She's not willing to go down without a fight."

"Eh, I'd say she's willing to go down..."

"SHUT UP, IRINA!!!!! READY THE CANNONS!!!!!"

"CREW, this is Captain Kruger of the DuranDuran! Man your posts and prepare for battle. Do not show them fear!!! Operation Hungry Like the Wolf.... COMMENCE!!"

*gasps erupt all round the bridge of the Battleship Fujino* "Shizuru-sama! Captain Kruger has just given the order to LOAD SILVER CARTRIDGE!" Ensign Erstin Ho cried, blanching as she translated every syllable of Kruger's rant.

"Ara, Natsuki you play so rough....very well..you know what to do, Commander Tomoe."

"Ryoukai, Shizuru-sama! Artillery section, ready KIYOHIME!"

"Aye aye, sir!"

"Irina? What the bloo--? WHAT IS THAT?"

"C..c...Cc... CAPTAIN!!! The Princess Harumichi is using their Kiyohime whip cannon!!!!!"

"DAMN HER! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! DURANDURAN! LOAD FLASH CARTRIDGE!! We'll BLIND THEM FIRST THEN ATTACK! READY THE SILVER CARTRIDGE!!!!"

"H... HAI!!!!! *scrambles*"

"We'll see how you enjoy being trapped in a wall of ice, Shizuru... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

"Tut tut, Natsuki, surely you know me better than that....Tomoe-san?"

"Hai, Shizuru-sama! Flamethrowers at the ready!"

*raises her teacup* "I'll be waiting for you, Natsuki..." *pats her chair*

"Flash Cartridge ready, Captain! Waiting for your order!"

".......... Shizuru...... *breathes* Drop the UV shades."

"Shades are down, Captain!"

"Good........ FIRE THE FLASH CARTRIDGE!!"

"FIRE FLASH IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!"

"FIRING!"

*BLAMALERKEJREOSirujslkrsrjl blinding light fills the world.*

And the shots heard around the world were the start of a tea-drinking revolution.......several hours later, a decidedly porous DuranDuran sits a mite lower in the keel than she did before, flash burns and patches of ice riddle her decks and outer hull. By contrast, the Princess Harumichi still sat a few hundred meters away, as placid as ever.

"I WILL BE BACK TO FINISH THIS!!! MARK MY WORDS, VIOLAAAARGH!!"

"I'll be waiiiting, Natsuki." *blows a kiss to the enraged Kruger*

"GAAARGH !!!" *shakes fist* YOU'LL GET YOURS!!

"Oh I plan on it," Captain Shizuru replied with a smirk.

"SHIZURU!!!!!!!!!" *sails off into the distance at half speed*

"Hurry back, Natsuki! I have lovely tea for you ."

And thus ends this episode of "The Voyage to the Bottom of the Tea. Join us next time when Captains Kruger and Viola square off again in PART TWO. We hope you enjoyed the insanity that was the whack inspiration of The Lang and The Toda.

"A mind is a fire to be kindled, not a vessel to be filled."--Plutarch

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."--Winston Churchill

"The teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil to learn is hammering on cold iron."--Horace Mann

"I cannot love a friend whose love is words."--Antigone

"There is no one left in the world
that I can hold onto
There is really no one left at all
There is only you
And if you leave me now
You leave all that we were
undone
There is really no one left
You are the only one

And still the hardest part for you
To put your trust in me
I love you more than I can say
Why won't you just believe?"
--The Cure "Trust"

"People don't complete us. We complete ourselves. If we allow others to complete us,
then the search for love becomes a search for self-annihilation; and then we try to convince
ourselves that self-annihilation is love."--Erica Jong "Fear of Flying"

"For believe me, the more one is, the richer is all that one experiences. And whoever
wants to have a deep love in his life must collect and save for it and gather honey.....to love
is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the
most difficult of all our tasks...for this reason young people, who are beginners in everything,
cannot yet know love. They have to learn it."--Ranier Maria Rilke "Rilke on Love and
other Difficulties"

I've come to the conclusion that sometimes I shouldn't be allowed to close my eyes. All manner of weird things happen behind them. My apologies to the Dream King for involving him in all of this...one would think my brain would know better. My humble thanks to Nico-san for putting up with my endless smiting of my breast and Lang-san for listening to me ramble this entire dream in one breath.

( To sleep, perchance, to dream.... )