Koi fish in my tiny little pond

Ok so I did a really annoying thing....I was trying to read an email that was written to me in Japanese so I changed the settings on my browser. Bad thing. Now everything is in Japanese, except for the random English words here and there. Colour me really stupid.

Anyway, I was listening to some Anna Nalick (which is odd for me since I usually am not one to listen to random artists...) and her songs had me pondering for hours. They made me think about my relationships with others and made me take a look at myself and the stupid assed things that I do. Like she says:

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

I love how she uses words...those things that we give so much power and yet use them so carelessly, wielding them like dirty knives in a barfight. She does bitterness in a way that's not really bitchy but sounds rather normal. People always say "They're just words, they don't mean anything." Well they're both right and wrong.

When Pat Conroy's Tom Wingo in The Prince of Tides laments the loss of passion in his life, we can feel it:

"My body had not felt like an instrument of love or passion for such a long time; it had been a winter of deadening seriousness, when all the illusions and bright dreams of my early twenties withered and died....I had the limitless gift of turning even those sweet souls who loved me best into strangers."

And thus the influence of words. When I was younger, I thought of them as scratches on a page that I could manipulate and thereby manipulate others. They didn't mean much to me then...not like they do now. So when I ask someone "How do you feel today?" I mean those words. Because in the asking, I know my intent...I don't ask if I don't care. Some may think that it's nosy or over-inquisitive. Maybe that's due to the seclusion of society nowadays, I have no idea. But it's given me pause, made me think. And here I sit, staring at a blank page on my screen, trying to cull words from my memory to create art of some form, whatever that might be.